Remembrance
Apr. 19th, 2021 09:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
primus_seeress((A short interim fic. Auspex needs to talk about her time serving in the Nexus a decade ago, before her world almost ended - and all the people she loves that have been left behind.))
Auspex was curled on her side on the berth, wrapped around her diminutive construct. Theodicy sat cross-legged in the center, clasping the larger arm that wrapped around his back, gazing solemnly at the fem whom his unique origins urged him to call "mother". He held her other hand in his, stroking her palm with his thumb.
She lay there, gaze fixed on the far wall beyond him, optics dimmed, murmuring names. "Jetstorm..." She winced, painfully. "Fireflight, Air Raid, Skydive, Slingshot. Scourge. Thrust. Perceptor. Blackstar. The zambonis. Klank. Photon. Strata. Ratchet. Skyfire. Starscream. Snowcat. Demolishor. So many more names, more people..." There were others she'd served, that were thankfully still accessible, still there to encourage, and receive news from. But now was the time for mourning those she could no longer reach, would never hear from again, because the shifting multiverse had taken those pathways away...
Theodicy nodded quietly, patiently, tugging her hand closer. "Tell me about them?"
They each had their own pains, their own triumphs.
Scourge had been horribly abused, bonded against his will to a Herald of Unicron (he'd purged it, with Auspex's help, and began to relearn he was not used up and useless).
Jetstorm's spark was choked with Unicron's energies (she'd purified it, with help from Rodimus Prime and the Matrix), needed his mind put back together (with much success, but with caveats), needed his brothers' bodies restored (and they were, thanks to the skills of Ratchet and Starscream), their nightmarish traumas tended to (though they still needed much time to heal).
Perceptor had lost his daughters, birthed in his time as an organic, and part of his spark with them (they were returned to him in time, which did much to soothe his spark-pain), then had been kidnapped and exploited (other loved ones came to lend him support).
Blackstar had been killed by his love (they reconciled; she gave him a new body to dwell in), received abuse for an act of kindness (he was given consolation for it), had been torn asunder right outside Auspex's sanctuary to spite her (and was restored to strength through the intervention of Starscream and his alternate).
Starscream had denied himself the Allspark (in restoring Blackstar).
Skyfire felt enormous guilt for keeping Starscream (overlooking that he'd wanted to stay, for his sake).
Thrust had been brutally killed by Unicron, then barred from the Allspark - he had wrongfully feared Primus's wrath (Auspex helped him learn otherwise, and had continued to support him).
Klank had sacrificed himself to save his only remaining friend, was returned after experiencing utter darkness instead of the afterlife, despaired for his very spark (she helped vouch for his repentance, aiding the one who would save his life to trust him, and she reassured him that he was not lost).
Snowcat was struck with a LOL that resulted in six sparklets, unwanted by him or his bondmate, Demolishor (she'd seen to their offspring's prolonged existence, and continued well-being, with Blackstar's help). They'd scorned her and Blackstar for their meddling (but came to a grudging understanding, and kept the younglings). Demolishor was overtaken by a strange Nexus magic and banished (she'd brought Snowcat news, and appeared to be reconciled to him, to a degree, for doing so).
More minor things, situations unresolved, some small triumphs... she'd met so many of Primus's own in the Nexus.
"And what about you? You've suffered, also," Theodicy gently reminded her.
She squeaked softly, curled tighter around his frame. He reached around for her other hand, drew both up in his, cradling them close. "Mom. Talk to me. It's okay."
She'd loved them all, so much. She had no idea if she'd ever see any of them again. Realities had shifted, become inaccessible... she didn't know if they still existed. If not... did destroyed realities ever destroy the people with them? She hoped not.
She could not watch as truces grew and thrived. She could never see Scourge overcome his traumas and his fears. She would never know if Thrust's adopted world had deviated from the standard timeline: if Unicron would still come, which she knew would devastate the life of his bondmate, potentially on multiple levels. She would never know if Jetstorm succumbed to his madness again, or the power of Unicron, and she would never know if his brothers would forgive him enough to let him in again. She could never watch the zambonis grow into their own. She would never see Demolishor restored. She could not see the fruits of Klank's newfound peace and purpose. There was some solace in knowing that Primus would... but of course it was not quite the same.
Some of them evoked even more complicated emotions.
Jetstorm had romanced her, showered her with affection; her feelings for him had undertones she'd never experienced before. It was not something she had dared to contemplate closely at the time, and still could not completely - and even if she still had access to the world he'd gone to, it was unlikely she'd have seen him again; he could not stay. It felt so much like a scar.
Klank had left more of an impression on her than he likely had any inkling of. The warmth of his sentiment, that she'd only so briefly glimpsed, filled her with wondering of what could have been.
At last, Auspex lapsed into weary silence, venting a quiet sigh as she distantly contemplated her construct's tiny hands in hers. Pain gave way partially to a resigned numbness for the moment, but more importantly, the beginnings of acceptance, of reconciliation to what peace she could find in the unknowns. She was not all right, would not be for some time... but this was a step toward her own healing.
Primus surrounded the two servants with his presence, blanketing them in his comfort as Theodicy shifted, moving to tuck his tiny frame in snugly against Auspex's torso. She curled her arms inward to envelope her construct, dipping her head to lay it against his helm as he wordlessly offered his love and his understanding.
For now, in the still and the quiet, she held Theodicy - her living symbol of the blessing that can come from sorrow. Soon, she would turn her thoughts toward things to come, the former relationships that thankfully still remained to be rediscovered, and the new ones she would yet forge. There was the light of new hope yet to look forward to... but first, she simply needed to rest.
((originally posted 7-14-22))
Auspex was curled on her side on the berth, wrapped around her diminutive construct. Theodicy sat cross-legged in the center, clasping the larger arm that wrapped around his back, gazing solemnly at the fem whom his unique origins urged him to call "mother". He held her other hand in his, stroking her palm with his thumb.
She lay there, gaze fixed on the far wall beyond him, optics dimmed, murmuring names. "Jetstorm..." She winced, painfully. "Fireflight, Air Raid, Skydive, Slingshot. Scourge. Thrust. Perceptor. Blackstar. The zambonis. Klank. Photon. Strata. Ratchet. Skyfire. Starscream. Snowcat. Demolishor. So many more names, more people..." There were others she'd served, that were thankfully still accessible, still there to encourage, and receive news from. But now was the time for mourning those she could no longer reach, would never hear from again, because the shifting multiverse had taken those pathways away...
Theodicy nodded quietly, patiently, tugging her hand closer. "Tell me about them?"
They each had their own pains, their own triumphs.
Scourge had been horribly abused, bonded against his will to a Herald of Unicron (he'd purged it, with Auspex's help, and began to relearn he was not used up and useless).
Jetstorm's spark was choked with Unicron's energies (she'd purified it, with help from Rodimus Prime and the Matrix), needed his mind put back together (with much success, but with caveats), needed his brothers' bodies restored (and they were, thanks to the skills of Ratchet and Starscream), their nightmarish traumas tended to (though they still needed much time to heal).
Perceptor had lost his daughters, birthed in his time as an organic, and part of his spark with them (they were returned to him in time, which did much to soothe his spark-pain), then had been kidnapped and exploited (other loved ones came to lend him support).
Blackstar had been killed by his love (they reconciled; she gave him a new body to dwell in), received abuse for an act of kindness (he was given consolation for it), had been torn asunder right outside Auspex's sanctuary to spite her (and was restored to strength through the intervention of Starscream and his alternate).
Starscream had denied himself the Allspark (in restoring Blackstar).
Skyfire felt enormous guilt for keeping Starscream (overlooking that he'd wanted to stay, for his sake).
Thrust had been brutally killed by Unicron, then barred from the Allspark - he had wrongfully feared Primus's wrath (Auspex helped him learn otherwise, and had continued to support him).
Klank had sacrificed himself to save his only remaining friend, was returned after experiencing utter darkness instead of the afterlife, despaired for his very spark (she helped vouch for his repentance, aiding the one who would save his life to trust him, and she reassured him that he was not lost).
Snowcat was struck with a LOL that resulted in six sparklets, unwanted by him or his bondmate, Demolishor (she'd seen to their offspring's prolonged existence, and continued well-being, with Blackstar's help). They'd scorned her and Blackstar for their meddling (but came to a grudging understanding, and kept the younglings). Demolishor was overtaken by a strange Nexus magic and banished (she'd brought Snowcat news, and appeared to be reconciled to him, to a degree, for doing so).
More minor things, situations unresolved, some small triumphs... she'd met so many of Primus's own in the Nexus.
"And what about you? You've suffered, also," Theodicy gently reminded her.
She squeaked softly, curled tighter around his frame. He reached around for her other hand, drew both up in his, cradling them close. "Mom. Talk to me. It's okay."
She'd loved them all, so much. She had no idea if she'd ever see any of them again. Realities had shifted, become inaccessible... she didn't know if they still existed. If not... did destroyed realities ever destroy the people with them? She hoped not.
She could not watch as truces grew and thrived. She could never see Scourge overcome his traumas and his fears. She would never know if Thrust's adopted world had deviated from the standard timeline: if Unicron would still come, which she knew would devastate the life of his bondmate, potentially on multiple levels. She would never know if Jetstorm succumbed to his madness again, or the power of Unicron, and she would never know if his brothers would forgive him enough to let him in again. She could never watch the zambonis grow into their own. She would never see Demolishor restored. She could not see the fruits of Klank's newfound peace and purpose. There was some solace in knowing that Primus would... but of course it was not quite the same.
Some of them evoked even more complicated emotions.
Jetstorm had romanced her, showered her with affection; her feelings for him had undertones she'd never experienced before. It was not something she had dared to contemplate closely at the time, and still could not completely - and even if she still had access to the world he'd gone to, it was unlikely she'd have seen him again; he could not stay. It felt so much like a scar.
Klank had left more of an impression on her than he likely had any inkling of. The warmth of his sentiment, that she'd only so briefly glimpsed, filled her with wondering of what could have been.
At last, Auspex lapsed into weary silence, venting a quiet sigh as she distantly contemplated her construct's tiny hands in hers. Pain gave way partially to a resigned numbness for the moment, but more importantly, the beginnings of acceptance, of reconciliation to what peace she could find in the unknowns. She was not all right, would not be for some time... but this was a step toward her own healing.
Primus surrounded the two servants with his presence, blanketing them in his comfort as Theodicy shifted, moving to tuck his tiny frame in snugly against Auspex's torso. She curled her arms inward to envelope her construct, dipping her head to lay it against his helm as he wordlessly offered his love and his understanding.
For now, in the still and the quiet, she held Theodicy - her living symbol of the blessing that can come from sorrow. Soon, she would turn her thoughts toward things to come, the former relationships that thankfully still remained to be rediscovered, and the new ones she would yet forge. There was the light of new hope yet to look forward to... but first, she simply needed to rest.
((originally posted 7-14-22))
