Do not simply give up on yourself. There are very few that could live through that sort of abuse, let alone think even remotely coherently. You have done both. Yes, you have deep psychological scars, but they can be healed. You made it through alive, and the pain of healing is nothing like the pain of believing the lies, and remembering the helplessness. You cause yourself more pain every time you look at it again, with the same mindset. You need to look at your experiences differently.