primus_seeress | Scourge Arrives

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Scourge Arrives

*Auspex is wandering in the wildernesses around her sanctuary. There are times she simply needs to see the sky and stars, and seek Primus in the landscape of her homeworld. She drifts over the plains, utilizing her seldom-used hover vehicle mode. She finds a peculiar outcropping of metal, transforms, and climbs up a little higher, to perch on it, and survey the scenery.*

*She has a suspicion Primus has a purpose for her being here... but doesn't he always? She murmurs a prayer as she watches the serene landscape.*

((originally dated 2006-10-14 23:23:00))

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*sour* Decepticons don't heal. They deal with things and then they get over it.

*Auspex frowns, not terribly impressed* That sounds like healing to me. You're dealing with it. Now, from your perspective, what is in the way of your ability to function as a normal Decepticon? What can you do so you will not feel the need to wander out alone to avoid the others?

I'm not sure. I thought I could just give it time. But it won't stop, I can't recharge without fear or stop jumping at shadows or yells. I can't help thinking every other moment that this is just a dream and that he'll come back for me again.

*She studies him for a moment, as Primus reflects back some of his emotion* You are paranoid, subconsciously afraid to hope for yourself, and your mind will not put the past to rest. Those are the things you are in most need of overcoming.

How do you know? You're not a mind-reader. *Primus, he hopes not*

*she sighs slightly. Hadn't she explained this already? More than once?* Primus gives me insight. I can feel a little of what you feel, if he chooses to reflect your emotions to me. I cannot read specific thoughts and words, but I can see the moods that produce them; it aids in my service to whomever is the source of said emotions. You are very fearful, but anyone who had been through what you have would be. Perhaps the outward signs would be slightly different, but the core emotion is the same.

*frowns* They've seen my weakness. A weak Decepticon doesn't live very long. *and for once in his existance, he actually wants to live*

*Auspex rubs the bridge of her nose wearily* Ohh, Decepticons... I so wish I could change their thinking sometimes..! You can lose valueable people because of a psychological issue that could have been overcome with just a little time... even the ones suffering believe they're hopeless, and they are not. *she glances at him over her fingers for a moment*

*shrug* What are you asking me to do, join the Autobots?

*Auspex 'heh's slightly, but shakes her head* No. They have their own ideological problems at times. But if your people can put up with you the way you are a little longer, I can try to help you regain your confidence. However, it will involve delving into painful areas.

*shifts a bit* How?

There is nothing literally invasive, any more than is usual as a child of Primus, linked to our god as we are. But you need to tell me of things that have robbed you of your confidence, and then I will be able to see the emotions behind them, and hopefully help you deal with them.

Just talk? Thought you wanted to get inside my CPU or something. *rubs the side of his head and seems to be mumbling to himself* Where to start, then...

*she shakes her head* I only see your emotions, and only on very few occasions does Primus send me actual memories, or words. I will do nothing that might injure your mind.

You've told me of your escape attempts, your rescue, the battle, some of your treatment... *she pauses a moment* How did you view Void, when you first encountered him? What did you feel?

The same way anyone would feel. *claws tighten around his knee as he tries not to get carried away* We were born of Unicron and even we could see what an abomination he was. He gave me the surges. *slight pause* Galvatron went after him and the whole time that they fought Rodimus Void was just laughing. Like it was just a game to him and Galvatron was just a toy.

*another pause* He pinned down Galvatron, finally. There was mech fluid leaking off both of them;Void had a smoking hole in his side from Galvatron's cannon and he acted like it was nothing. The last thing I heard Galvatron say was, 'You cannot defeat me." That was it. Then Void tore his head off.

*Auspex watches him carefully as he speaks, head tilted slightly, then gasps slightly at the brutality of Void's actions. She looks down* I'm sorry. *she remains silent a moment* One of the worst traumas a person could go through is to see the violent death of someone they follow. Before, um... the aftermath of the battle... were you frightened of Void, or more disgusted, or angry?

*her voice softens a bit more, gently soothing* And... what part of your nature died with Galvatron? *she attempts to make eye contact, to show this is not a casual or callous question; this is something he needs to think about, seriously*

*avoids her eyes* Galvatron thought himself a demi-god, and in some senses he was right. He's the embodiment of Decepticon strength, and with him died the hope that we could overcome Void. After that everything got worse, for all of us. The others turned more towards defense of our home and scrounging for what they could get. He took out whole cities, hitting power stations and living areas, crippling more than conquering.

I gather, then, that you were wary of Void, but not truly afraid until Galvatron was killed. Was he the only one who brought you confidence?

Void sounds very true to the Chaos nature: the need to destroy, for simply finding joy in destruction. And... *she sighs* I'm truly sorry that you, and your people, were in that path of destruction. *she glances back at him, momentarily destracted by his wandering gaze* And your timidity is strange to me. You are a warrior, you are strong, and you will not confront the optics of a pacifist priestess? You credit me with more fear than I deserve. *she blinks at him, concerned*

*shakes his head* Like I said, you really can't understand without being one of us.

I mean, you should have seen the other Triad. My alternate had so much strength in him, he was everything I couldn't be because he'd been with Galvatron.

I... have a bit of an idea, from what I am sensing from you. *she ponders, with a little sigh* So, your fear was induced by the loss of Galvatron, but was reinforced and... almost made your whole being... by Void? And either a great amount of therapy, or simply Galvatron's presence, will make you feel strong again? *she frowns a little* The therapy is more likely... but have you even had the time to mourn properly?

A bit. Cyclonus recovered Galvatron's head from the Cocytus and we gave it--*stops, then says more firmly* gave him a proper funeral in the catacombs. Helped us get a little closure. But we're still broken.

*Auspex winces. It is a sad event indeed when there isn't even a whole body to entomb...*

*she nods. She speaks softly* At least there was some at all. But it is this remaining fear that Void instilled in you that is seperating you from your people. The problem with Galvatron is not easily solved; perhaps visiting the other universe on occasion will help ease that pain... but it is the fear that you need to deal with, since you do not have Galvatron to help support you. Again, you will need to tell me of the fears that still haunt you now, and trace them back to their sources.

I thought that'd be obvious. Void's the source.

Well, I mean, specifically. Events that come back to you, and will not let you rest. Or, do you even remember it all in that way? Did it all just... run together, or were there seperate incidents?

I get it a lot. Mostly times that Void got bored, or I made him angry somehow. And Cyc wonders why he found that stash of energon in my room.

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primus_seeress - 2008-02-20 01:40 (UTC) - Expand

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