Reassurance for Scourge

[primus_seeress]

((From an AIM log: Auspex cares for her recent charge; he is encouraged, and regains even more hope than before.))

Scourge: *is curled up on his berth, head on his knees*
Auspex : *Auspex is in prayer, letting her mind wander where Primus would have it. It occurs to her that her recent guest has been... alarmingly quiet. She expected him to be a guest, not disappear into the metalwork altogether. She frowns, breaking her commune to see where Scourge is*
Auspex : *She starts looking in the most logical place, of course, and finds him in the sanctuary room she'd given him, looking... rather pitiful. She slowly peeks her head in, leaning on the doorframe* ...Scourge?
Scourge : *Scourge jerks upwards, then relaxes as he sees her* Oh. Auspex. *He gives her a weak smile*
Auspex : *She returns it with a rather wan smile of her own* I have not heard from you in rather a while... have you moved at all?
Scourge : *shifts his wings awkwardly* A little.
Auspex : *She sighs a little, tapping a finger idly on the wall as she thinks* It's not good for you to simply... sit and wallow in your thoughts. Not if they wander into unhealthy patterns again.
Scourge : Just thought I'd stay out of your way... *really wanted some time to himself, just to have silence and isolation. But it's not been as comfortable as he'd thought it would be*
Auspex : *She shakes her head* There is very little you could do to be in my way. But you are surrounded in calm, but find little of it is reaching your spark? *It's phrased as a question, but isn't, really*
Scourge : *slight shrug* I haven't...really felt it. It's just been quiet.
Auspex : *'hmm's thoughtfully* Your thoughts are wandering where you don't wish them to go, in the quiet?
Scourge : Sometimes. *the tracker's wings curl up around him, tensing*
Auspex : *nods sympathetically* But not at all times, I hope?
Scourge : If there's peace here, I haven't really felt it. But it's good to be alone, at least.
Auspex : *she smiles somewhat sadly* It is not the place that makes the peace. This is only a building, like any other, though it serves as a reminder of the god beneath us. It is Primus that creates the peace in you, but you must let him in.
Scourge : *frowns* I've been trying, you know. I don't think he can come in, not in the shape I'm in.
Auspex : *Gently, genuinely curious* What have you tried? I know it's difficult... you have so many issues that cloud your spark. It's a bit of a conondrum for you; you need Primus to clear your spark, but you need your spark cleared to see Primus. We need to find a place to break that cycle.
Scourge : *touches his chest unconsciously* It's not going to get cleared. It won't die. I don't think anything short of the Matrix could destroy what's in me, and that would probably kill me in the process.
Auspex : *she frowns, edging a little more into the room to sit comfortably on the floor, far enough away so he won't feel claustrophobic* Can you describe what it feels like, if you won't get lost in it? I'm... trying to understand what you feel.
Scourge : *uncurls slightly, still keeping his knees up at his chest* I'm not sure. I just feel...dirty inside. Corrupted. It's not something I think you'd ever understand. *there's a bit of harshness at that last sentence as he looks at her pale form*
Auspex : *she tilts her head at him, frowning slightly* Primus allows me to be empathic. I can learn how it feels, if you would share it. You are trying to shut me out, out of reflex, even though I am trying to help you.
Scourge : *glare* You don't want to know how it feels. You probably can't, really.
Auspex : Why are you so adamant about keeping the pain close to yourself? Do you fear others knowing? Is it a shame you must keep private? I am a servant; nothing you could tell me will leave these walls.
Scourge : *uncurls a bit more, snarling* It's nothing you could understand, that'd my point. You've probably never even seen true darkness in your whole life. You're the last person who'd understand.
Auspex : I've understood what you've told me so far. I am only trying to make you see: Primus can feel everything that you feel. Everything you feel I cannot understand. Primus then gives it to me, in a way I can understand. There is nothing I cannot understand, with Primus guiding me. You are seeing me as... a temple ornament, and I am not. I am not so sheltered, considering what I've felt and seen through others I've counseled.
Scourge : *shakes his head* Then you'd know I can't get clean again. You seem to want to help so much, but you can't. No one can. I'm always going to be like this. *quieter snarl, more at himself than anything else*
Auspex : *gently* Only if you let yourself stay like this. How do you know I can't help? No one is ever so far gone that their own Creator can't help them. But you won't even try. You think yourself unclean for anything, and that is an illusion of your own making.
Scourge : *harsh laughter* My creator? My creator is Unicron, you idiot. You expect him to help me?
Auspex : *Auspex sighs, with long-suffering patience* Your spark is Primus's. Yes, Chaos has meddled with it, but it is not all that you are. Galvatron proved that well enough when he turned away from Unicron, you all did. Unicron creates nothing, he hates creation. He will alter what has already been created, and time and again, over the various universes, his altered creatures show no loyalty to him. Your connection with Primus is intact, only changed.
Scourge : *scoffs* Does it even matter? I start out belonging to Unicron and it went downhill from there. All this--*gestures at the walls* All this means nothing to me. I can't feel what you're saying is here. I can't.
Auspex : *Auspex pauses a moment, as Primus's presence seems to strengthen within her. Her optics glow brightly, and her already perlescent paint seems to hold more of a glow. It's illusion, mostly, but as she gets to her feet again, she definitely seems more confident, if not quite imposing*
Scourge : *Scourge leans back just slightly, still scowling*
Auspex : *her words are clipped, and spoken more forcefully* Must I cause you to fear even me, by forcing the emotion from you? All I need is a moment of communion with Primus, and through me, he could easily call back the fear and rage and shame, force you to remember all of it in detail, and filter it back to me. Primus loathes such methods, but if that is all that can be done for you to release these emotions away from you, it is acceptable. If you want your misery to be lightened at all, you must cooperate with me!
Scourge : *shakes his head fiercely, panic showing in his optics* I'm not going through all of that again. You can't force me to. *...can she?* If it's acceptable to you, you're just like Void.
Auspex : Not if I do so to take it away. Healing is painful, but it is a pain that is only felt once, and then is relieved forever. His sort of pain is prolonged, without end, and fruitless; he feeds on it. I am trying to help you, and repair some of the damage he's done to you and your spark. Gently, just tiny pieces, one memory at a time, so the pain will be less. But you are hiding your memories from me, giving me little other choice but to pull them away, and that can only be done all at once.
Scourge : I don't trust this. You've said before that you would help me, that if I just opened my spark to Primus, it would help. It hasn't. You might mean well, but all you'll do is tear my spark open again.
Auspex : *Her optics dim slightly, and she relaxes her posture. She resumes her gentle manner of speech* I have no wish to cause you any more pain than necessary. It is something Primus will allow me to do, but no, it is not something you should trust, as it is an extreme method. If you seemed suicidal, I might, if there were no other choice. But Primus did desire to warn you of what he can do, not what he will or even wants to do.
You haven't opened your spark at all. You fear what will happen if you do. You're holding on to it, and tightly.
Scourge : And if I don't, you'll force it out of me. *doesn't seem to trust her as much anymore* I told you before, it can't be fixed. Leave it alone.
Auspex : *her optics flash for a moment, somewhat shocked* No, I will not force it from you! Nothing short of your impending and immediate death if I did nothing, would I choose to use such a method, and the pain it would cause me to have to do that to someone would probably kill me. It is not what Primus would have me do, and most definitely not anything I am willing to put you through! You miss my point: I am not threatening you. I am telling you that your case is extremely severe. No, you can't be fixed, only because you won't allow yourself to be. I don't know why you are holding so tightly to this pain! You will not let it go...
Scourge : I can't be fixed unless I hurt myself. That's about as close to forcing as I think you can get. There's no way you can get me to go through all that again, not even for a moment.
Auspex : *she sighs heavily, covering her face with a hand. If a Transformer could be close to tears, this would probably be the state they were in. Rarely has she worked with someone who could cause her anger, or despair, and he's done both in the space of only a few cycles. (He should consider himself priviledged. ;p ) She's motionless for several very silent, very empty moments. When she does speak, she keeps her face covered, and her voice is very soft, almost weak* You would have me do nothing? You will not let me show you kindness, nor will you allow me to pull you through just a little bit of pain, to find the peace Primus would have for you... what would you have me do? Is there no hope in you at all?
Scourge : *frowns, wings curling back around him* I told you. There's some places I'm just not willing to go. This isn't a little bit of pain you're talking about here. This isn't a few dents. You don't understand.
Auspex : *hand still covering face* You told me of what Void tried to do with your spark. Was that so painful to tell?
Scourge : You have no idea. *glares and turns away, wings obscuring his face* If it was that hard to tell, how hard do you think it will be to relive it?
Scourge : And there was no "try". He did it.
Auspex : *She moves her hand away from her face to glance at him, voice soft, optics sad* I see.
*she shakes her head after a few moments* The retelling is the reliving. I don't mean anything esoteric; just recalling the events and verbalizing them is as much pain as you need suffer. Only as much as you are willing to speak of. If you are not willing to speak at all, that is your choice, but you cause both of us pain that way, because I am extending my empathy and finding only fear and pain, no healing, and I feel that.
Scourge : *thinks she has no place to talk about pain* You were going on about pulling the pain out of my body. That's not talking.
Auspex : No, but it is equivalent to you telling me your life story all at once in a short burst, instead of you telling me one little incriment at a time, and so, it is more painful.
Scourge : ...are you going to be feeling any of this?
Auspex : *now it's her turn to look alarmed* Yes. And I want to avoid that method as much, if not more, than you do. I would much prefer you to tell me.
Scourge : *touches his head slightly* What exactly do you want me to do? *because he wants her to understand it, if she's going to try and comfort him*
Auspex : Just what you did before. Telling someone else what you are otherwise shutting away in your spark to eat away at you. You have an audience that will listen to anything, has no ties to either faction, and makes no judgements.
Scourge : It's not...*keeps shaking his head* Look, anything I say is just going to come out like I'm wallowing in my own self-pity.
Auspex : *she blinks at him disbelievingly for a moment* Good! There are times you need to do that! But no, it is not self-pity. It is sharing your burden with someone. Considering how reluctant you are to tell me anything, you are not merely complaining, and to someone who would rather not listen.
Scourge : *looks away* I just want to get over it. Forget all of it.
Auspex : Telling me is probably the easiest way to go about that.
Scourge : Tell you...what? He tortured me. It happened. The end.
Auspex : Forgetting "all of it" obviously involves more than one incident.
Scourge : It was a bunch of incidents. *shrugs his wings slightly* Was for a good part of a year, whenever he got bored. The worst was when I tried to run away.
Auspex : *she nods* You did tell me about some of that, and it helped me to understand a little of what you went through. Think of it as self-pity, if you must, and give yourself permission to feel that way, if only for a little time. You can show weakness here; better here than anywhere else, where no one can prey upon it.
Scourge : Do you want a list of everything? Cause that'll take a while. *still looking at the opposite wall*
Auspex : For as much and as long as you are willing to tell, I will listen.
Scourge : Just...everything. Everything you wouldn't want done to you, he did to me. *looks at his claws for a few moments--they'd been ripped out and welded back on*
Auspex : *She simply nods, encouraging, watching him unobtrusively*
Scourge : He liked to mess with my wings a lot. Burn, tear, acid....*wings shudder* Had a whole box of me in his room.
Auspex : *she sighs a little* May I sit with you? It... may provide some solace, for one or the other of us... *she smiles wanly*
Scourge : *scoots over a bit to make room for her* If you want.
Auspex : *she nods, perching lightly, not crowding him, mindful of his fear of being touched* Why your wings? Is... that a comfortable enough question, is it relevant?
Scourge : *harsh laugh* Wings are a source of pride for our kind. It's what makes us different.
Auspex : *she nods thoughtfully* So, more humiliation for you if he focuses on them. I see.. and he would take pieces for his... collection.. every time?
Scourge : *slight nod* Yeah. That and my claws. *folds his hands into fists*
Auspex : *she blinks, trying to comprehend Void's logic, but finding it impossible in some cases* But... he would replace them again? Just to do so again? And they are also a point of pride? *She is finding that wishes she knew a little more about the Unicronians' mind-sets, specifically*
Scourge : *another slight nod as he extends his fingers. The claws are pink, the color of spilt energon* He kept replacing them, yeah. Most of my body's been torn off and put back on at some point.
Auspex : Just for him to do so all over again... *she nods, waiting patiently for what else he might say*
Scourge : Yeah. *slight nod*
Auspex : *Auspex remains silent for a moment, wincing at the residual emotion and remembered pain, blinking slightly*
Scourge : *slight shudder* I liked it better when it was quiet and I was alone. At least it didn't hurt as badly.
Auspex : *she glances up at him* Better to suffer in silence than to have an audience to scorn you while you endure it?
Scourge : Sounds about right, yeah. And if I stayed out of sight he wouldn't kick me around or anything.
Auspex : How long would you have before he'd begin looking for you?
Scourge : Until he got bored.
Auspex : Er... and if he retained the... exuberance Rodimus is known for, that would be rather often..?
Scourge : Now you get it. It was either me or Jetstorm, or he went off and shot things.
Auspex : *winces* From what I've heard, he shot at things rather often, as well. He sounds like the perfect servant of Unicron. Living for destruction, laughing at suffering.
Scourge : *nods* Sometimes I think Unicron would have been better. Get it over quickly.
Auspex : *Her optics flicker, she shakes her head* Not as an individual. If you'd been someone on a planet he'd eaten, yes. But he tends to find interest in an isolated victim.
Scourge : What makes you say that? *curious*
Auspex : *She doesn't particularly like talking about the Chaos Bringer, and it shows in her rather sullen voice* He pays no mind to multitudes. He eats worlds, digests everything on it, including people... it's simply a large factory process for him. But a single living being, with no others around it, becomes intriguing. That person is more likely to have an intriguing story, being in such an unusual predicament, and Unicron is an opportunist. If the circumstances don't prove to be entertaining, the being is destroyed right away. Otherwise, he will make a toy of the person.
Scourge : And you're saying that's what happened to me?
Auspex : *nods* It's slightly different when it's another Transformer serving Unicron... they will tend to see things on a smaller scale than their master. But, yes, an individual separated from a group is still very intriguing. There is safety in numbers, against Chaos. But, now that it is in the past, don't fault yourself for being seperated from the others. Battles will do that.
Scourge : *grumbles, not willing to go into that right now* So it could have been anyone else. He wanted Cyclonus real bad, I remember.
Auspex : *nods* Anyone. I'm sure he would have been most pleased to have found Cyclonus cut off from the rest of the group, but, he would probably also have known that you are close to him. That would have made it seem all the more a fortunate situation for him. *her optics wander to the ground, not really looking at anything, but troubled*
Scourge : Were close. When I showed up on the battlefield again he thought I was a traitor. *closes his hands again* But he wouldn't have taken Cyclonus. Every Decepticon knows better than to get taken alive by him.
Auspex : *she tries gently to correct his view of the situation* I know. But it was just another tool Void used to destroy your hope, and probably to hurt Cyclonus. It was a game to him, and he unfortunately seems to have been a very good strategist. As far as being taken alive... doesn't it depend on the circumstances?
Scourge : Circumstances? *snorts* They'd be a new flavor to him. New pain. Better to get it over with.
Auspex : The circumstances in which you were captured, I meant. You can't always prevent yourself from being captured.
Scourge : You do it at the risk of your life. Anyone would.
Auspex : *shakes her head* All right... so you were captured alive. I know many Decepticons who would be unwilling to take their own lives, if there was a chance of survival.
Scourge : Around Void, you'd be a fool not to.
Auspex : Why do you think you did not, then? Think carefully, don't simply say you were cowardly. I think it is deeper than that.
Scourge : *waves his arms* That's all there was. If I'd been a braver mech, I would have torn my own spark out.
Auspex : *gently* Fear, then, is a problem that plagues you, and allows you to be easily manipulated. It is a fault, but it is something that can be changed. Cursing yourself for past actions will not help; you need to learn from them.
And, as far as my own philosophy is concerned, I think taking your own life would subvert what Primus may have planned to do with what you would have otherwise learned.
Scourge : Then Primus can go get himself chained to the wall, not me. *puts his arms back around himself*
Auspex : *Auspex sighs* All I mean to say is, this may yet work to make you a stronger person. I don't want you to dwell on that now. The actions happened, it is over; it is your emotional response to the actions that concern me.
Scourge : It's not over. No one trusts me besides Cyclonus because they know how weak I am, my fault or not. That's the part I need to get over with.
Auspex : Would their opinions change if you learned to overcome that fear? You can.
Scourge : There are some things they don't forgive.
Auspex : They were tolerating you. They didn't cast you out.
Scourge : Cyclonus wouldn't let them.
Auspex : But surely you can win respect back, in the context of your culture? But first, you must address your own emotional and spiritual wounds.
Scourge : No, I can't. That's what you're not getting. I can't win anything.
Auspex : *she frowns* Unless your particular offshoot of Decepticon culture is very different from the ones I've known, it is not as hopeless as you may think. What did Void say, about your people?
Scourge : He said they'd die, it was only a matter of time. And he said I was ruined for them.
Auspex : *she gazes at him sadly* I think, then, this is another lie of Void's. Your people may be reacting coldly to you now, but it is not something that cannot be overcome, given time. If there is worth in you, they will see it, eventually. And there is.
Scourge : *slight shrug* I'm corrupted, inside and out. How long do you think it will take before I can get clean again? Years? Millenia?
Auspex : I have no way of knowing beforehand; it depends on how willing you are, and how patient you are. So far, the state you're in isn't allowing for very much of either, but I have confidence those can be overcome, too. Just... have faith, that you need not stay this way.
Scourge : Faith. *puts his head on his knees, scowling* That's a lot of help, thanks. Where do I send the energon?
Auspex : *Auspex hides her smile at the remark, but immediately puts things back into perspective* It is only that I don't want you to simply give up before you've tried anything. You need to learn ways to counteract the lies you tell yourself.
Scourge : Does it even matter what I think? The only that counts is what I do. And what I need to do is stop looking so scared. *stop hidng in my room, stop flinching away from Cyclonus' touch, stop hating myself...*
Auspex : It is very important. What you think is the majority of the motivation for what you do. You need to deal with the fear, so you won't be fearful. You need to learn to stop hating yourself.
Scourge : Need, need, need. *looks up at her, glaring* You've probably never had a bad day in your life. What gives you the right to tell me how I should think?
Auspex : Why do you seem to think I live a sheltered life? I've seen darkness, I am trained to find darkness and bring light to it! These things do not come directly from me: it is Primus who tells me what is needed, and would your Creator not know what it is you need?
Scourge : *gestured wildly at her* You are the light. You aren't a warrior, you haven't lived as I or they have. What does Primus know about me, I've never belonged to him!
Auspex : Your previous form belonged to Primus, and you still have his essence in your spark! Is it so hard to understand? I would sense very little from you, otherwise, but I see your emotions just as well as anyone else's. And it is true that there are many things I haven't experienced first-hand, but I have experienced how they made a warrior feel when they occurred.
Scourge : Second-hand doesn't count. You haven't even seen Void's face. All this mystical garbage doesn't prove anything.
Auspex : The events are second-hand; the emotions I can feel almost as though they were my own. And how can you possibly say that this has no merit, after your ordeal with Void? He is Chaos, and he uses his darkness against people, as much, if not more, than his simple actions.
Scourge : He does. And it affected me more than most. You can't even touch that. *paws at his spark casing*
Auspex : You've barely let me try. I have the power of a god behind me, every bit as powerful as his.
Scourge : Prove it.
Auspex : *She looks at him sidelong* You may not like it. You are sensitive to spiritual activity, after what Void has done to you.
Scourge : I don't think you can do it. *wings curve around him again* You can hurt me, maybe. But whatever it is that you do, it can't help.
Auspex : *She simply looks at him for a long moment, then puts her hand out* Take my hand, then. I promise I won't harm you. I only wish to you to see that I may be of some help.
Scourge : *Scourge slowly reaches out and touches her hand, ready to draw it back at any time. If this will help...the risk may be worth it*
Auspex : *She leaves her hand uncurled, so he can withdraw his if he must. Her optics darken, and she allows Primus's presence to surround her spark. Very, very cautiously, she allows his presence to seep through to Scourge*
*a soothing sensation, calm, peace, discouragement from fear*
Scourge : *hand relaxes into hers, optics dimming*
Auspex : *Primus maintains the very cautious, light presence, testing for adverse reactions. The energies of Unicron that changed Scourge into what he is are long gone; though slight whispers remain that Primus finds unpleasant, there is not enough for his presence to injure Scourge*
*more soothing, a sense of great pain at his pain, I am here*
Scourge : *Scourge tries to shrink back from this touch in his mind. It's going to hurt, it will hurt any moment now*
Auspex : *backing off, gently, unwilling to frighten, Order is nothing like Chaos*
Scourge : *it's the same, all an invasion, all wanting to use him*
Auspex : *Auspex flinches slightly; Scourge's impressions of fear for Primus are a bit painful*
*Is only here... not asking, not taking, just here. Passive, placid, calm, unmoving, don't move, don't frighten him*
Scourge : *calm, have to calm down, can't run from this...thing*
Auspex : *cautiously encourages the calm, I have power, but I do not desire irrational fear of me..*
Scourge : *there is power, power is to be feared and obeyed*
Auspex : *Respected, obeyed out of respect, not fear of consequence... much darkness here, torn spark, I will heal through my servant in time, patience, have patience, endure, you can endure*
Scourge : *you want to use me, want to hurt me, just trying to gain my trust*
Auspex : *It is not my nature to desire pain. Pain is of Chaos. I am Order. I am all that Chaos is not.*
Scourge : *Then help me. Please*
Auspex : *a sense of tender support, a desire for Scourge to be whole, yes, Scourge must allow my servant to find his pain, and allow me to banish it, teaching, healing, endurance, hope*
Scourge : *why do you care, what good am I?*
Auspex : *Scourge is my child, what else matters? Scourge survived reformatting, and Unicron's foolish belief that he could take ownership of Scourge by doing so... I created Scourge, he was different, but is still someone I created*
Scourge : *my spark is so damaged, so broken...he opened me up and put his chaos inside me...*
Auspex : *..not irrepairable, child. No one can change that Scourge is my creation... I alone can touch the part of his spark that is me.. the Chaos ultimately cannot stay where I will not allow it, though it lingers long.. patience, faith, it will heal if you trust me, I will keep you..*
Scourge : *will hurt, will always hurt, just make the pain stop...*
Auspex : *it will not be immediate.. healing takes time... but be strong, child, lean on my strength, the pain will ease, lessen, and become but an echo.. but you must try, must want the end of pain..*
Scourge : *I want it, I want it badly, but I only see one way out...*
Auspex : *soothing, venturing to envelope his spark, an embrace, a temporary, but lingering, easing of the physical pain of the ragged edges... death is wasteful, not the way, need not be... you are learning, you must lean on me to be strong..*
Scourge : *but I'm not strong...*
Auspex : *I will help Scourge be strong.. he must remember that I dwell in his spark, I am with him, my strength is there, if he asks for it..*
Scourge : *then where were you?! I needed you and you weren't there*
Auspex : *grief, regret for the circumstances... pain is sometimes needed to grow, Scourge has potential to grow very strong, as he would not have before.. and there is little I can do if my child does not ask my help.. it is not my nature to force my way into a child's life if I am not wanted... despite the grief it causes me.. it is a limitation of my nature..*
Scourge : *I didin't know you were there! You left me alone, left me to die, why would I want you now?!*
Auspex : *Auspex flinches again, with a small sound of grief. She doesn't know exactly what he's saying to Primus, but she can feel the hurt and resentment like a physical wound. Her hand unconsciously tightens around his, trying to lend support to him, and to Primus's reasons..*
*It is a limitation, child, no desire of mine! Even gods have things they must not do. Have you no idea how it grieved me?...there is the hint of staggering sorrow, the anticipation of being called... Unicron took the Matrix from me, blackened its light, placed it into one of my children, and I was utterly shut from his spark. He caused his pain to so many of my children, and I was with them. I was with Scourge, and I felt all of it. I know how it felt, but there are things I must allow. It is over, Scourge is here, let my servant help him... and forgive your lord Primus..
Scourge : *they cannot forgive me for what I couldn't help--why should I forgive you?* *and yet I want to be helped...if it were possible...*
Auspex : *They can forgive Scourge, if Scourge is willing to forgive himself... they see your lack of confidence, and are wary... some are already learning to accept, the others will follow as Scourge grows in strength again, and ceases to hate himself.. they will only see what Scourge sees in himself; if he hates himself, they will not support him, with the exception of the ones of the most integrity, such as Cyclonus...*
Scourge : *unsure, afraid*
Auspex : *I know my children, they will learn, they will see as Scourge grows... The ones closest to Scourge will learn first..*
Scourge : *scared, so scared...help me, help make it stop*
Auspex : *metaphysical embrace, soothing, my child... Scourge must face the fears that haunt him, learn to refute them with my borrowed strength.. share his fears, the burden will not be his alone, my servant will aid Scourge..*
Scourge : *so much to tell, so much pain* *flashs of painful images, of arc welders and pliars and scalpels*
Auspex : *Auspex pats Scourge's hand with her other -- whether by her direction or Primus's is unclear and unimportant -- and she winces again at the imagery. She sends along her own support, as well as Primus's*
*I know, I know the horror it was, the darkness and the fear, and it made the pain worse... I am light, forget the darkness, leave the fear, embrace light...*
Scourge : *relax, relax, try to relax* *help me...*
Auspex : *Auspex continues hand-patting, a corner of her consciousness hoping it's not making things worse*
*Don't fear me, be calm... I am helping Scourge, I will help him... he fears memories, memories are but shadows, see them for what they are... see that Void is darkness, but he is not the Darkness... nothing he could touch Scourge with can reach through the Light of my power...*
Scourge : *how do I find the light?* *so long alone, so long in the dark, no way out...*
Auspex : *Follow me, follow my call, I will guide Scourge, my servant will guide Scourge.. my servant shows him kindness, she will stay, for as long as Scourge needs someone there... he must learn to accept kindness again, not shrink away, he must ask me for help when he feels lost, I will lead him..*
Scourge : *it's not enough, the kindness is not enough, I need help now*
Auspex : *a sense of lending patience, an understanding of time, it takes time to heal, have patience... follow me, let my servant serve Scourge, she wants very much to see him comforted, as do I... take solace in my peace, Scourge can tell his past and not feel it so strongly, if he allows himself comfort and solace..*
Scourge : *I...I think I can do that. It will be hard*
Auspex : *It can be done, Scourge is able... it will be hard, there will be ghosts of pain, but I am with Scourge, Auspex is with him, the peace of this place is with him.. there is no darkness here, and the darkness within is only a shadow... it can be brought to light, with time and steadfastness and solace..*
Scourge : *I can trust. I can trust.* *fleeting images of Cyclonus in battle, glaring at him*
Auspex : *Chaotic deception, evil lies from the darkened Chosen, the sorrows of the past are false, are uneeded... there is truth here, and order, Scourge must use it as his lifeline... Scourge should remember his loved ones, not with the fear of the past, but the hope of the future..*
Scourge : *another image of Cyclonus, touching his hand and looking pleadingly at him* *want to kiss him, want him to trust me, want to be needed*
Auspex : *Have hope, child... there is hope. It will take time, but this can be.. Scourge can learn to trust again, and he will be trusted, learn to rely on my strength, and Scourge will have strength when he is needed... and above all, do not give up hope..*
Scourge : *I'm trying, I'm trying. So hard not to give up*
Auspex : *Auspex continues to smooth Scourge's hand, a gentle reminder that someone is here, and wants to help him*
*metaphysical support, wrapping his spark in a wash of spiritual strength, hope, soothing of pain.. feed your hope, let it grow, there are many things to hope for, so many reasons to keep living and growing in endurance and light..*
Scourge : *Hope...hope for respect, hope for trust, hope for love, hope for life*
Auspex : *Hold fast to these hopes, they will bring Scourge strength... if he trusts me, he will find trust, if he respects me, he will find respect, if he loves me, he will find love.. these are things Scourge is able to achieve, with hope..*
Scourge : *will trust, will respect, will love...just don't betray me, please...*
Auspex : *Never... have faith in me, child... you will have strength to endure, even through hardship, but never should you fear the darkness of the past.. I will watch over Scourge..*
Scourge : *save me...I will trust you...help me...*
Auspex : *I will help Scourge, my servant will aid, speak with her, have hope..*
Scourge : *I will...I will* *Scourge curls his hand around Auspex's*
Auspex : *Auspex squeezes his hand reassuringly, still patting it softly with her other hand. Primus's presence very slowly dissipates, leaving a final whisper of hope in the spirit-spark, and the servant's optics flicker online*
Scourge : *his optics online as well* Wow...
Auspex *She smiles at him, optics bright* I did tell you Primus has the power to help you.
Scourge: I wasn't expecting...*shakes his head gently*
Auspex: *She pats his hand a few more times, before withdrawing it a bit, though she keeps hold of his hand with her other* Our Creator has power, and he can mend what is broken. There is hope for you, and you will recover.
Scourge: Yeah. I...I think I can. *slight smile*
Auspex: *Her smile widens as he agrees, and her relief is obvious* Good, that is very good. I will help you, you can do this.
Scourge: Right. Right.

((posted 12-17-06))

((Co-written with corruptedhope))