Scourge Arrives

[primus_seeress]

*Auspex is wandering in the wildernesses around her sanctuary. There are times she simply needs to see the sky and stars, and seek Primus in the landscape of her homeworld. She drifts over the plains, utilizing her seldom-used hover vehicle mode. She finds a peculiar outcropping of metal, transforms, and climbs up a little higher, to perch on it, and survey the scenery.*

*She has a suspicion Primus has a purpose for her being here... but doesn't he always? She murmurs a prayer as she watches the serene landscape.*

((originally dated 2006-10-14 23:23:00))

Comments

[primus_seeress]

*she sighs* I see... it makes it harder for you to think differently, if you've endured this for so much of your life. But it is not impossible.

How are you getting along with the other Decepticons, now?

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

I try to stay out of their way. I don't like the looks they give me.

[primus_seeress]

They don't trust you? Or they disapprove of your outlook? *She murmurs softly, almost to herself* Either way, it can't be helping your self-image...

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

They think I'm a coward. Half of them don't trust me and the rest think I'm pathetic.

[primus_seeress]

*she shakes her head* There are times when the Decepticon culture can be very unhealthy... what does Cyclonus think?

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

He hasn't said, but I know he's thinking the same thing. That I'm weak.

[primus_seeress]

*she looks at him critically* I can believe he may be disappointed in you, but perhaps not to the extent you imagine. Decepticon culture is one thing, but having a triad-mate is another. They tend to be close, whichever the faction.

That is why you wander alone? To avoid the others?

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I don't want anyone looking at me, least of all him. Cyc keeps a lot of things bottled up, but I can tell. He hated me at one point, when he though I'd defected on my own.

[primus_seeress]

The pain of betrayal runs deep; I'd understand if he'd felt you'd abandoned your people. But what was his reaction when he learned otherwise?

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

Surprised, I think. He apologized.

[primus_seeress]

And you think he was insincere? Or do you believe he disdains you despite the fact that your defection was not your choice?

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

He accepts me back, but he still thinks I'm weak. Even if it wasn't my fault, I'm still a liability. I could hold everyone back.

[primus_seeress]

You still need time to heal. You can do this.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

*sour* Decepticons don't heal. They deal with things and then they get over it.

[primus_seeress]

*Auspex frowns, not terribly impressed* That sounds like healing to me. You're dealing with it. Now, from your perspective, what is in the way of your ability to function as a normal Decepticon? What can you do so you will not feel the need to wander out alone to avoid the others?

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure. I thought I could just give it time. But it won't stop, I can't recharge without fear or stop jumping at shadows or yells. I can't help thinking every other moment that this is just a dream and that he'll come back for me again.

[primus_seeress]

*She studies him for a moment, as Primus reflects back some of his emotion* You are paranoid, subconsciously afraid to hope for yourself, and your mind will not put the past to rest. Those are the things you are in most need of overcoming.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

How do you know? You're not a mind-reader. *Primus, he hopes not*

[primus_seeress]

*she sighs slightly. Hadn't she explained this already? More than once?* Primus gives me insight. I can feel a little of what you feel, if he chooses to reflect your emotions to me. I cannot read specific thoughts and words, but I can see the moods that produce them; it aids in my service to whomever is the source of said emotions. You are very fearful, but anyone who had been through what you have would be. Perhaps the outward signs would be slightly different, but the core emotion is the same.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

*frowns* They've seen my weakness. A weak Decepticon doesn't live very long. *and for once in his existance, he actually wants to live*

[primus_seeress]

*Auspex rubs the bridge of her nose wearily* Ohh, Decepticons... I so wish I could change their thinking sometimes..! You can lose valueable people because of a psychological issue that could have been overcome with just a little time... even the ones suffering believe they're hopeless, and they are not. *she glances at him over her fingers for a moment*

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

*shrug* What are you asking me to do, join the Autobots?

[primus_seeress]

*Auspex 'heh's slightly, but shakes her head* No. They have their own ideological problems at times. But if your people can put up with you the way you are a little longer, I can try to help you regain your confidence. However, it will involve delving into painful areas.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

*shifts a bit* How?

[primus_seeress]

There is nothing literally invasive, any more than is usual as a child of Primus, linked to our god as we are. But you need to tell me of things that have robbed you of your confidence, and then I will be able to see the emotions behind them, and hopefully help you deal with them.