primus_seeress | Seeing Scourge Again

*Auspex shakes her head helplessly* I'm not sure of the 'why' behind the gender difference... but in many universes, fems are built to be slighter and shorter than male mechs.

*She reflects, for a moment, on what a strange conversation this is, but she patiently explains* I, for instance, am typical of a female Cybertronian build, in my universe. The body frame is lighter and narrower, hands and feet are smaller, limbs more streamlined, facial structure more tapered, less seamed or adorned. The general asthetic is different; it may, perhaps, be Quintesson in origin, but it is more tradition now, than anything. Some universes have different reasons for the tradition, and some adhere to it less than others.

Given these traditions, it is reasonable to assume that the opposite gender-programming would be accompanied by the opposite gender-build. Yes, it is... odd for a parallel dimension to be so contrary, but the multiverse is filled with many odd things. Don't fear it; there is no harm in it.

"But the forms should match up with function. All the females I know of are made more for speed and agility than the raw power Galvatron carries. If Galvatron's going to be female, shouldn't she still be..." Scourge holds his hands up awkwardly. "A big female?"

This is almost making his head hurt, but it's distracting him from his fear.

*She blinks, pondering this* Er... well, perhaps she is more heavily built than tradition would have her? She probably is very strong of will and character, at the least; perhaps firepower, as well. I doubt those things would change.

More confusion. "But she was short. Her form was...well, it was like a traditional female. She could have the firepower, but she just wouldn't have the bulk to throw around in a fight unless all others are built that...small."

Hrm. In the world of the small, the average size leads?

*Auspex frowns thoughtfully* Denser metals, perhaps? *she shrugs a bit* I don't really have an answer. It is the multiverse.

But tell me, how have you been faring? Before you were unexpectedly dropped into the Nexus, that is..

"Better. Cyclonus got me on box-moving duty. It's pretty dull, but at this point I think I like dull."

It's better than the alternative, yes. *She smiles ruefully, moving to sit nearby, silently encouraging him to relax* So, you have returned home from Galvatron's universe? Did they help you to reclaim some of your confidence, then? *she looks hopeful*

A slight, nervous smile. "I like feeling useful," he admits shyly. "Doesn't need much responsibility either."

*She nods, faint smile still on her face* That's very good. I'm glad that you are being given that chance.

*her voice drops a bit, almost hesitant* How is your bond? Has the spark-pain lessened, I hope? *she seems as though she wants to say more, but she pauses to let him answer*

Scourge's hand folds up and he touches it to his chest gingerly. He turns away, voice almost trembling with shame. "Cyclonus and me...well, we've been trying. Doesn't hurt much and I'm tryin' not to be too skittish, but it's...it hurts, sometimes. When I think too much."

*She sighs softly, and offers him her hand again, wanting to show support, but not to stifle him* I... never had a chance to apologize to you, for telling Cyclonus of what you'd been through, against your wishes. I'd hoped it would turn out to be of some help... though I still think it was too early to shock your spark in such a way; if he hadn't known, he wouldn't have insisted. I've... regretted that.

"Nah, nah. Was all right." Scourge takes her hand ever so delicately. "I needed the push anyway. Was scared of oding it, but I was terrified of letting him down again. Hurts bad enough that it took so long to...y'know." He makes a insinuating sort of shrug.

*Auspex still looks somewhat contrite, but she nods in understanding* Are you still having difficulty with your people?

"It's...better." His fingers close around her hand. "I owe you. A lot."

She 'hmm's thoughtfully* As long as you are reasonably safe among them, I hope. It will still take much time, but it sounds like you are slowly making your way. I'm so glad that Cyclonus has been willing to support you through this. Don't be ashamed... you've made so much progress!

*Her optics brighten a bit, though she shakes her head lightly* No. It's enough to see you, and see that you are recovering, and that you haven't lost hope. Don't ever lose that -- I've been praying for your healing, and I will continue to do so.

Scourge hasn't really done any praying of his own--he'd feel guilty if Cyclonus caught him relying on something so silly. But he appreciates her doing it for him. "After...after what happened before, it can't get much worse. That keeps me going pretty well."

*she winces a little* That is not terribly optimistic wording; things can be so much better than they were before. You still deserve more than you probably can, or will, accept as of yet. Have you kept up the fight, against your fear, and your pain? You mustn't grow complacent. *her tone is earnest, but also sympathetic*

*another shakey nod* I've been keeping up. I've been trying to put the whole thing out of my mind, focus on the future like Cyclonus and Ultra Magnus keep saying. It's just... *he keeps his face turned away from her, speaking in a shamed, soft voice* Sometimes I still want to just curl up in the corner and disappear.

*She nods a bit, shifting her grip on his hand, simply to remind him that she has it, is here and listening* There will be moments like that, yes. I don't expect your past to disappear; there will be times when you are reminded. But don't be ashamed, please don't... Do you ever talk with Cyclonus about it, when this happens?

"No." Again his fingers curl up, trying to find comfort in her grip. "I don't know if he'd understand, he'd probably just think I was being foolish again. I'd rather him see me strong than like that. I can hide it pretty well, these days."

*she sighs* Hmm... I understand your reluctance to let him see that; but you shouldn't deal with the memories alone, either, when they come. I'm... torn between encouraging you to tell him anyway, or find a confidant.

I think he is willing to support you, emotionally, but I know it hurts your pride, both of you... *she shakes her head* But you need someone with you, when you remember - it will keep you from turning too far inward. *she frowns thoughtfully*

Scourge's head jerks up, worry in his optics. "But...I mean, you talk to me, right?" He must be reading her wrong, she can't have meant that she'll leave. He doesn't have anyone else he can speak freely to.

*she nods quickly, fingers moving ever so slightly to smooth at his hand, tone consoling* Of course; I will always be here for you to talk to. I only meant... it's been a good bit of time since you were here last; I was unsure if you still wished to come here.

*she attempts a little smile* No, I'm not going anywhere. Never hesitate to visit, if you are caught in memories.

She'll get another small smile for that. "You're the only one I can talk to; I don't think I'll stop coming until you tell me to." Really, he can keep it in most days. But letting all his pain out to someone feels really good.

*Auspex shakes her head* There is no fear of that, unless my presence begins to be a hindrance to your recovery. I don't wish you to become too dependent on me... but right now, you still need someone to confide in, I think. Speaking of which... is there anything that's given you trouble, since we last spoke?

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