Seeing Scourge Again

[primus_seeress]

*the priestess is attempting to study, but she feels restless, somehow. Primus seems to be telling her that she's waiting for someone, or something... but is no more specific than that, no matter how much she questions him.*

*She sighs a bit, setting her work aside for the moment; she's made little progress, anyway. She centers herself on Primus, attempting to reduce this feeling of distraction.*

Comments

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

Scourge's hand folds up and he touches it to his chest gingerly. He turns away, voice almost trembling with shame. "Cyclonus and me...well, we've been trying. Doesn't hurt much and I'm tryin' not to be too skittish, but it's...it hurts, sometimes. When I think too much."

[primus_seeress]

*She sighs softly, and offers him her hand again, wanting to show support, but not to stifle him* I... never had a chance to apologize to you, for telling Cyclonus of what you'd been through, against your wishes. I'd hoped it would turn out to be of some help... though I still think it was too early to shock your spark in such a way; if he hadn't known, he wouldn't have insisted. I've... regretted that.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

"Nah, nah. Was all right." Scourge takes her hand ever so delicately. "I needed the push anyway. Was scared of oding it, but I was terrified of letting him down again. Hurts bad enough that it took so long to...y'know." He makes a insinuating sort of shrug.

[primus_seeress]

*Auspex still looks somewhat contrite, but she nods in understanding* Are you still having difficulty with your people?

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

"It's...better." His fingers close around her hand. "I owe you. A lot."

[primus_seeress]

She 'hmm's thoughtfully* As long as you are reasonably safe among them, I hope. It will still take much time, but it sounds like you are slowly making your way. I'm so glad that Cyclonus has been willing to support you through this. Don't be ashamed... you've made so much progress!

*Her optics brighten a bit, though she shakes her head lightly* No. It's enough to see you, and see that you are recovering, and that you haven't lost hope. Don't ever lose that -- I've been praying for your healing, and I will continue to do so.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

Scourge hasn't really done any praying of his own--he'd feel guilty if Cyclonus caught him relying on something so silly. But he appreciates her doing it for him. "After...after what happened before, it can't get much worse. That keeps me going pretty well."

[primus_seeress]

*she winces a little* That is not terribly optimistic wording; things can be so much better than they were before. You still deserve more than you probably can, or will, accept as of yet. Have you kept up the fight, against your fear, and your pain? You mustn't grow complacent. *her tone is earnest, but also sympathetic*

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

*another shakey nod* I've been keeping up. I've been trying to put the whole thing out of my mind, focus on the future like Cyclonus and Ultra Magnus keep saying. It's just... *he keeps his face turned away from her, speaking in a shamed, soft voice* Sometimes I still want to just curl up in the corner and disappear.

[primus_seeress]

*She nods a bit, shifting her grip on his hand, simply to remind him that she has it, is here and listening* There will be moments like that, yes. I don't expect your past to disappear; there will be times when you are reminded. But don't be ashamed, please don't... Do you ever talk with Cyclonus about it, when this happens?

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

"No." Again his fingers curl up, trying to find comfort in her grip. "I don't know if he'd understand, he'd probably just think I was being foolish again. I'd rather him see me strong than like that. I can hide it pretty well, these days."

[primus_seeress]

*she sighs* Hmm... I understand your reluctance to let him see that; but you shouldn't deal with the memories alone, either, when they come. I'm... torn between encouraging you to tell him anyway, or find a confidant.

I think he is willing to support you, emotionally, but I know it hurts your pride, both of you... *she shakes her head* But you need someone with you, when you remember - it will keep you from turning too far inward. *she frowns thoughtfully*

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

Scourge's head jerks up, worry in his optics. "But...I mean, you talk to me, right?" He must be reading her wrong, she can't have meant that she'll leave. He doesn't have anyone else he can speak freely to.

[primus_seeress]

*she nods quickly, fingers moving ever so slightly to smooth at his hand, tone consoling* Of course; I will always be here for you to talk to. I only meant... it's been a good bit of time since you were here last; I was unsure if you still wished to come here.

*she attempts a little smile* No, I'm not going anywhere. Never hesitate to visit, if you are caught in memories.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

She'll get another small smile for that. "You're the only one I can talk to; I don't think I'll stop coming until you tell me to." Really, he can keep it in most days. But letting all his pain out to someone feels really good.

[primus_seeress]

*Auspex shakes her head* There is no fear of that, unless my presence begins to be a hindrance to your recovery. I don't wish you to become too dependent on me... but right now, you still need someone to confide in, I think. Speaking of which... is there anything that's given you trouble, since we last spoke?

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

Scourge pauses to purse his lips in thought, trying to call back any useful memories he's been trying to forget. "Not...well, nothing huge. I think some of the Autobots are starting to warm up to me, they have a thing for pathetic creatures."

[primus_seeress]

*Auspex's optics flicker in startled, rueful humor* You are not pathetic, you are recovering from trauma, and I will insist on that, if anyone asks.

But, good... I'm glad they are. The more people you have supporting you, the better. It will make you stronger.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

"Support? Nah, I wouldn't go that far." But her praise makes him smile shyly. "They just don't complain about having me around."

[primus_seeress]

*This seems to disappoint her a little* Ah. Well... it's a start. Perhaps, ongoing truce will encourage them to make friends outside their faction.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

"Everyone's still used to fighting a war, I guess." Scourge shrugs. He's starting to uncurl a bit more, feeling freer about his language. "But sometimes we...well, sometimes it's nice."

[primus_seeress]

*Auspex nods quietly* At least it more-or-less removes the pressure of combat, from all the other hurdles in your path. And it will most definitely be a positive thing, if there is more inter-faction mingling, and you're not forced to deal exclusively with those of your people who still look down on you.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

A slight snort. "They all look down on me, Auspex. Faction just means the Decepticons do nastier things than the Autobots."

[primus_seeress]

*She makes a little grimace* I would hope that they respect what you've been through, rather than merely pitying you. Most would have been no better, had they been through what you have. Sympathy and pity are rather different things.

[corruptedhope.livejournal.com]

"It's..." Scourge turns his face aside and drops her hands, letting himself lean on the doorpost of the temple. "People don't respect you for surviving. Don't begrudge me that I did, but don't think it's something worthy of praise."